It took me a second to fully understand and grasp the severity of the situation; to realise that this isn’t some sick joke that life is playing on me. Then from within, I felt my eyes well up and the tears flowed without stopping. Breath by breath, I started to lose it, my mind racing to the worst-case scenario and the scene from 2011 played in my head on repeat.

Knowing that she’s been in my life since I took my first breath, I always lived as though she would be around forever. Sure, she aged but she was always cheerful, sassy and full of life. There was no stopping her. If she ever has something to say, she will talk continuously until your eardrums burst and your brain implodes from the sheer amount of words that this little old lady can muster.

She’s made it through her surgery to insert a pacemaker in her heart. She’s chatting non-stop about the tubes they put on her. And soon she’ll whisk off to Jakarta for another holiday – like she always does. She will see me through many more milestones in life. In the words of my aunty, “We will have many more years with her”. For that I am grateful.

But today I want to immortalise this moment and remember why.
Me holding her hand and never letting go – roles reversed from when I was a little girl, clinging on to her instead.

I don’t say this often, and maybe I should.
I love you, mama. From the bottom of my heart, I truly do.



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