You don’t know which is worse.
Him deciding to stop loving you or you trying to stop loving him.
When a person falls in love, the end is never in sight. Simply because an “end” is never an option when all you dream about is spending the rest of forever with that special person who stole your heart.
With every ending, there will be loose ends. You will sit and stare at the wall for hours wondering what went wrong. As you lay alone in bed at night, you think about every scenario that could have happened differently. In all your confusion, you concoct a solution in your head to solve every problem you’ve ever had.
Funny as it may seem, no matter how much you dissect your relationship or analyse emotions, there is no right answer.
And that is okay.
I know that you want answers that make sense. I know that you want a logical answer to form on his lips. I know that you are hurting. I know that everything simply does not make sense.
But it’s okay. You don’t need the answers.
Sometimes, not knowing the truth or getting the answer that you want to hear is the Almighty’s way of protecting you. Even if you hear his explanations, you may never be satisfied, you may never heal and you may even hurt more than you already do.
I know it seems like such a waste to throw your love away like this. I know that you often think about the good times you had together. I know that you will sometimes look back on your relationship and feel sadness and joy, all at the same time. It confuses you to feel this way.
But it’s okay. You deserve to have these memories.
It was a love that you shared with him. It was perfectly perfect moments encapsulated in a time when you both lived in your own universe – together. It’s okay to think about that time he surprised you. It’s okay to think of that time you explored hidden gems in cities you visited. It’s okay to think of the moment he told you he first loved you. It’s okay to think of all these things and cry. Grief the person you lost and the relationship that died. Grief but don’t stay in your own hell forever.
You will take time to heal. And that is okay.
Whatever you do decide to do, it is 100% okay. Trust me.
Ignore the voices that say, “I told you so.”
Ignore the negativity of your surrounding.
Ignore the sneers of people who tell you to toughen up.
Ignore the ignorance of those who have no idea about the demons you struggle with.
Ignore the input of individuals trying to give you advice – more so if they don’t matter to you.
Time will heal you. It may not seem like it now, but even in your pain, you know that I am right. Because you’ve been through worse; because you are stronger than you think; because you know your worth.
You will be okay.
It will take a little while. But you will be okay.
Promise me that you will try, and I promise that one day, you will feel happy again.