I had a dream last night.
You were in my arms again. Holding me close to your chest. Your breath filled my lungs as you took in the scent of my hair. You rubbed the back of my head like you used to. You let me hear the beat of your heart. You looked into my eyes again and kissed me. Softly, like you meant it. Like you still loved me.
I asked you to stay. I asked you to never leave my side again. I asked you to hold me. I asked you to never let this moment pass. I asked you to love me.
I twisted my fingers around yours, as you whispered in my ears, “I’m sorry. I cannot stay. I cannot love you.”
My heart clung on to the beating of yours. My thoughts in a muddle, I screamed, “But you held me. But it felt like nothing was wrong between us. But you looked into my eyes. But you kissed me. You kissed me!”
“I have to go. And you have to let me go.”
And with the ring of my alarm, I jolted awake. The pain filled me up again. The pain of what I lost. The pain of never seeing you again. The pain of never holding you. The pain of never being able to wake up next to you in the morning. The pain of never being able to kiss you goodnight.
Even in my dreams, I begged, and yet you chose not to stay. No matter how much I beg, you are never coming back.
My darling, you are never coming back.