OUR OWN LITTLE LA LA LAND
- February 18, 2017
- Denise Lee
Tonight I miss you. Tonight I wish that this nightmare never happened. Tonight I wish that you were holding me in your arms. Tonight I wish that you would kiss me gently and tell me how much you love me. Tonight I wish that it was just the two of us under the stars.
But life is complicated.
We fell in love like the movies. Like teenagers, we fell in love eagerly. The passion was that of a raging fire, a strong wave, a tornado. Each time we kissed, electric waves pulsed through our veins. No moment spent was wasted because even sitting next to each other in silence was fulfilling. We were happy – so fucking happy.
And then the fights started. Our tongues once gentle and loving became vipers spitting out poison. We never cursed our love, we always wanted the best for the other. We fought because life was hard. We fought because we wanted to be together but we couldn’t. We fought because we didn’t know how to keep our love alive through the distance. We fought because one of us gave up and the other didn’t.
Our own dreams left the both of us at a fork in the road. Mine was to the left and yours to the right. We gripped our hands tightly and entwined our fingers a little harder, not wanting to let go. But the desire to walk towards our respective destinations became too great. One had to sacrifice their road to follow the other but neither willing. So we let go.
Our eyes met – teary, warm and red.
“I’ll always love you. I’ll always root for you. I’ll always hope you’re happy.”
“Me too, darling. Me too.”
We walked on our own little paths, shaky at first but confidence grew eventually. Once in a while we look back and see the fork in the distance. We think of “what ifs” and alternate realities if things had been different.
We loved the right person at the wrong time.
And when I see you again, wherever we may be at life, let us smile and pretend that everything is okay even if it is not. Let us smile and not speak. Let us smile and wish the other well. Let us smile and remember that all that we had, was our own little la la land.