For weeks, my entire being ached with an ache that I have never experienced before. It was the rip my soul to pieces, shatter my heart, and leave me broken kind of painful. The nights haunt me with shadows of you. And all the while, I slept on your side of the bed. I thought you would have stayed through it all. But you didn’t and you can’t.
I thought that my storm was over. I thought that all I had to do now was to live and try to move on from the demons that haunt me. I thought I was strong until I found myself on my knees begging for relief. My entire being is shaken to the core.
There are not enough words to describe the agony of losing someone you love.
There are not enough words to describe the grief of losing someone like you.
God is still God. And God is still good.
Yet I am reminded again of His faithfulness. That despite going through another hurdle, another loss, another episode of pain, He is good. It’s hard to grasp the how and the why. But I feel it in my bones that He’s got me. In the highlands and the heartache, He is the same good and sovereign God. In the storm, He anchors me steady. In the moments of hopelessness, my soul knows not how but to just sing in the melody of His spirit. The music vibrates through my skull and out comes a song that I don’t understand nor comprehend.
Dear D,
You are strong and beautiful and brave. This loss does not define you. It had absolutely nothing to do with you but absolutely everything with him. I hope you find the strength to walk away from people and things that make you doubt your worth. Man will always fail you. None are perfect, we are all flawed creatures. But He never will. Know that you are loved beyond measure. Know that you are precious. Know that He holds your heart. Know that He anchors you.
In the darkest of nights, cling onto His promises. He won’t fail you. I promise. And He promises too.
x
