Let’s be real for a second.
As much as I try to be positive, I sometimes find myself feeling a slight envy for those who have it “better” than me. It is SO easy to look at your own life and pick out all the things that are wrong with it, don’t you think? Over the last month or so, I started to notice that my peers were doing very well in their career progression – through social media, of course. And well, it left me feeling a bit bummed out. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with my job. In fact, I’m happy where I am at the moment. There are many things that I am grateful for.
It’s just well, I noticed that my peers were able to afford luxury bags, eat 10-course dinners and the list goes on. But that’s the thing about social media – people often hide all the bad that’s going on in their lives and just project the good instead. And when we compare our reality to someone else’s highlight, we will feel like nothing is enough. Even though I knew this fact, it didn’t stop me from feeling slightly miserable. The truth is, I don’t need that Louis Vuitton bag nor do I need expensive holidays and Micheline starred restaurants. There was just this underlying tinge of being unsatisfied with what is already in my hand. Everything didn’t feel enough.
The last few months were especially hard. Almost daily, I felt like I was stuck in a deep hole and it was impossible to get out of it. Thinking that I could handle things on my own made everything so much harder. Every day felt like a battle of trying to convince myself that I am able to walk on water and not on a sinking ship. There were moments when I went through bouts of feeling loved and then unworthy of love simply because I could not see how God could love someone like me. Losing sight of God and blaming it on circumstances is so human.
How it made its way into my worship playlist is a mystery. I don’t remember ever listening to it nor do I remember adding it in. Yet during my drive home today, it was the first song that played as I hit the shuffle button. It was as if God wanted me to know. He wanted me to know that though the storm rages around me; though the world is trying to tempt me with its “successes”; though things may not go as planned; though man may hurt me; He is with me. It broke me to know how much He cares. And through the tears, I knew that everything was going to be okay. He reminded me to fix my eyes on him.
I forgot that God is good. I forgot that God is faithful. I forgot that God is on my side. I forgot that God wants the best for me. I forgot that God is dependable. I forgot that God is always with me. And most of all, I forgot that God will love me no matter what.
Even when everything seems like it’s not enough, He is more than enough. Always.