Every year before my birthday, I go through a melancholic phase. Most days I will feel sad for no reason which then slowly develops into a bout of self-pity. I call it the “birthday blues”. It’s the strangest thing because there is no reason for me to feel this way.
This year was no different. About three weeks ago, I woke up feeling sullen. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or maybe even the stress from work. Just could not, for the life of me, pinpoint what was wrong. Everything just irked me and I was constantly agitated, ready to snap. Then about a week later, I sat alone in my room, feeling sorry for myself because I was “lonely”. The overly dramatic side of me took over my entire being and I began to loathe my fate – no boyfriend, a limited number of friends, and having to share the toilet with my brothers even though we’ve been sharing it since the beginning of time.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not afraid of getting older. Ageing is such a natural process and I fully embrace everything that comes with it. But to be fair, I am very blessed to have good skin and youthful looks, to a point that I often get mistaken for being a teenager. Maybe when I get my first wrinkle, I will freak out. HAHA!
The thing is, I always have this complex where I assume that people don’t care about me. Absolute rubbish, of course, because there are SO MANY people who love me and want nothing more than for me to be happy. Just last week I was out with a new friend and she got me a present when she found out my birthday was coming up?! And today my team surprised me with a much needed birthday lunch outside of the office while another friend even got me a whole cake! My mum even took me out to dinner tonight one-on-one because my dad is away on business and my brothers are busy. I felt so much love and am extremely touched by the little things that happened today.
All these things really made me reflect on my life. As human beings, we tend to dwell on what we don’t have rather than to be thankful for what we do have. Everything that happened today made me realise how ungrateful I’ve been by feeling sorry for myself.
God strategically places us where we need to be; He makes no mistakes. Birthdays are beautiful because it’s a reminder of His love. It is a testament of Him choosing me to be born into this world. It is a reminder of the day my mother first held me in her arms and cried because she was overwhelmed with love. It is a day that holds the precious memory of my father as I landed my first poop on his hand (sorry daddy). It is a day that I should cherish. Not grumble over. Because at the end of the day, the people who stay in your life and love you are the ones that matter. I have everything I need right now.
Today I’m 25 but I have so much more to learn.
Today I’m 25 and there is so much to be grateful for.
x
I experience similar thoughts and feelings as well and also came to a similar conclusion i.e. God places as strategically and makes no mistakes. But sometimes I find that hard to believe. Day after day, prayers seemingly go unanswered for long periods of time. I am curious, what do you do then?