Not too long ago, I went for coffee with a friend I had known since childhood. Even though we hardly get to meet, it still feels like old times when we do. Great friendships never really die. They just continue to bloom as we all grow.
To be honest, it’s been a while since I had a proper heart-to-heart with another person. I’m not as inclined to share my thoughts and my struggles as easily as I used to as a teenager. These days, I keep only a handful of close friends. Turns out this is quite normal as you grow older. But I enjoy friendships like these because those are the ones that matter.
Anyway, I digress.
We were talking about relationships, as girls do, and it hit me that we have both grown up so much. For so many years of my life, I was seeking what felt like an elusive state of euphoria and happiness. I tried looking for it in all the wrong places. Jumping from broken relationship to broken relationship. I remember being told that, “If the relationship is meant to happen it will happen”. Being a naïve 17-year-old, I was impatient. Why couldn’t God just tell me now if the person I’m dating is “the one”? I was left absolutely shattered with every relationship that ended. The reasons were always the same. It was either because I was not pretty enough or I was not mysterious enough. And for the longest time, I blamed myself for not being enough. Even with my last relationship, I was told that I wasn’t enough (because I couldn’t speak fluent Korean yet lol).
The truth is, for the first time in a long time, I am in a happy place. Might sound a bit cliché but it’s true. Like I am genuinely happy just being by myself. My life has never been more drama-free, and that is truly an achievement for me. Over the years, one thing I have come to accept is that I will never be enough. Nobody is. Everyone is a work-in-progress. Only God is perfect and it is his perfection that helps us grow from our flaws. He is the Father who disciplines us but He also nurtures.
Sometimes, I don’t think we realise how much God loves us. We spend so much time trying to analyse and figure things out on our own. To a point where we get so lost in ourselves that we forget to seek His grace. Looking back at my own life, I know for sure that if God had not gotten into my business, I would be at a miserable place right now. He made everything beautiful in His time. He did it for me when I went to Sheffield, and I believe that He will do it again in my love life. I’m okay to wait because I know that God has the best plan for me. I’m okay to trust Him because He will never fail me.
God has a funny way of working things out for our good. And it’s beautiful to watch that unfold.
x
