For the longest time, I waited for a miracle. Many nights were spent begging for You to change him; for You to make him believe that You are who You are; for You to touch his cold, cold heart.
For the longest time, I told myself that if You were real, You would have done something by now. There were instances when I told myself that if things ended with him, I would let You go. Because You were silent to my prayers; because You let me down; because You did not do enough for me to want You anymore. I bargained with You and made foolish bets because I wanted what I wanted even if it was not in Your plans for my life.
And then You broke me.
You tore my heart out of my chest.
You shredded every hope I had.
Did you really?
You broke the broken me. You tore my already damaged heart out of my chest. You shredded my hope that was hopeless. And why? Only to make me whole again; to fix my damaged heart; to give me a new hope that is not at all hopeless.
Oh but God, I thought I did not need You.
Oh but God, I was foolish.
Oh but God, You called me Your child even when I did not want to acknowledge You as my Father.
Oh but God, Your grace is beautiful and Your love abundant.
You broke me so that I would come home.
Come home to You. The One who will not let me go; that will not let me fall; that will carry me through the storm; that will love me unconditionally – messy hair, tainted soul and all.
And now in Your everlasting arms, I am home and I am whole.